Welcome to February

Hello, and welcome to February. Or, as I prefer to call it, my least favorite month of the year.

Nooo, not just because of Single’s Awareness Day, though that does weigh in on my distaste for the month of February. Allow me to list my reasons.

  1. Christmas is over. But it is still bitterly cold. Still. Why. Do I still have toes? I haven’t felt them in months.
  2. Valentine’s Day. Pink. Everywhere. Ugly, pepto pink. And fluffy, useless teddy bears and things that I secretly would still be happy to receive from an admirer if such an admirer existed.
  3. The new year has begun, but I still can’t correctly write the date. On anything. Help.
  4. The gym is still packed with Resolutioner’s who have not yet given up. Give ’em one more month, then my favorite elliptical might actually be mine yet again.
  5. February 16th is my mom’s birthday. She would have been 51 this year. For those of you who are new to me and my blog, she passed away on Nov. 22, 2014 at the age of 47 from a rare incurable disease called Polymyositis (Polly-my-O-site-us). An autoimmune disorder that attacks the lungs and muscles.

This month is just kind of a downer for me. As my dad, by God’s grace, is married to my awesome step mom Polly, no longer do I get my Valentine’s Day dates with my dad the way I did growing up and after my mom passed. I have never had a Valentine’s Day while in any kind of relationship. My 6 month courtship with my best friend Peter began in March and ended in September, and even then, Peter is not one to celebrate any holidays really. His culture (Chinese) only really acknowledge Chinese New Year, beyond that they don’t celebrate much. Which is fine. Being with him would have been enough, he’s pretty awesome. But, that relationship is purely platonic now. Valentine’s Day would be a great distraction from the other downsides of this month, if I had someone to celebrate it with.

Tuesday, my dad was hospitalized with a massive kidney stone and had to have surgery. This is his 13th kidney stone, and the largest one yet apparently.

My best friend Peter just moved to a new apartment which is farther away and much smaller than his previous place. Also, his car died, and he now has no vehicle and is using Uber and Lyft to get to work. $$Yikes$$

My other best friend Jonathan is technically homeless, couch surfing and trying desperately to find a decent paying job whilst also not having a vehicle because his motorcycle is having a very expensive repair done. Again, $$Yikes$$

My car insurance dropped me, because I am on the same plan with my step-siblings and they have had a ridiculous number of incidents over the last three years. So my insurance is about to drastically go up.

I am currently 24 years old, will be 25 in July. Marking my very last year of being on my dad’s health insurance plan. Just one year before I have to take a pay cut because the government forces us to have health insurance. Yayyy.

I’m tired. I’m stressed. I’m lonely. Did I mention 25 has been the age I always wanted to be married by? Yeah…. I’ve got 6 months. Not gunna happen.

*sigh* Anyway. Sorry to be a downer. But that’s my February for you… Hope everyone else is having a better one than I am.

Side note, I know others have it worse than me. A childhood friend of mine who is just a year or two older than me just lost her husband of two years to cancer. My heart absolutely breaks for her. I do not pretend to understand how she must be feeling. Her name is Joyce, please include her in your prayers. She needs it.

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Unofendable

🚨 Rant Alert 🚨

Actual conversation I had today on Instagram with an undisclosed stranger:

Me: “Your body is exquisitely beautiful, too beautiful, in fact, to be given away for free. Which is why it saddens me to see gorgeous women post scantily clad or nude photos of themselves. You’re worth so much more.”

Them: “How dare you disrespect me! I graduated from ____ school of art! You’re making me feel uncomfortable! I am offended!”

So. I basically said you’re way too beautiful to be given away for free to the world, you’re worth so much more than that and this world doesn’t deserve you for free…. And that is offensive.

This is how our culture responds to truth. “OH, my feelings!!” Not all the time, but most times, “I’m offended” can be translated to “You made my conscience feel convicted and I’m not ready for a paradigm shift so I’m copping out of this discussion that endangers my lifestyle!”

Just a reminder to my fellow Jesus Freaks. When you walk in the truth, you cannot, should not, be offended by any slander thrown your way. Jesus promised that the world will hate us. We must be unoffendable. When you walk in the light, you no longer need to fear the dark.

As the sun sets on 2017

As the sun sets on 2017, I look back on my year with fond memories.

I met some amazing people, and developed a new friendship that makes my heart happy. I overcame a lot of fears, I went on many new and exciting adventures with equally exciting people. I learned a lot, I grew a lot, and I think I am a better person for it all. Most of all, I think that God has opened up my heart to loving people deeply in a way that I was not before. I am so, so grateful.

There were some heartaches, and I still struggle daily with certain things. But man, God has been so good to me.

Today I went for my tattoo touch up appointment, she went over all the lines and darkened it all a bit. As I sit here all bundled up (I am perpetually cold, and also, coincidentally, I have a cold), the mild stinging of my shoulder reminding me that I was poked with many needles a few hours ago, somehow it makes me smile. I will enter into the new year with a renewed sense of accomplishment and courage. Looking forward to whatever 2018 brings.

Tonight one of my favorite dudes (Peter) and I are going to a contra dance in Charlotte, NC for a “New Years Eve Eve” dance, and will be meeting up with my other favorite dude (Jonathan) who is currently touring with the band “ContraForce”.

Also, gotta tell you all a short story! My friend Jonathan got in an Uber the other day, and the music that was playing was super good, so he said “Hey, this is good stuff, who is this?” and she turned to him with a smile and said “That’s me!”

Please, check out Mizz Blueyesol, her album “Deceiver” is available on iTunes,  Apple Music, Spotify, and most other places music is available. My person favorite song is the one from which the album gets it’s name, “Deceiver”.

Ramblings about dudes

It frustrates me when I hear/see women talking about how men are worthless pigs and we (women) are better off alone than “stuck” with a man. First of all, relationship issues are usually the fault of both individuals. Not always, but usually. Perhaps if you’ve had countless failed relationships, you should start asking yourself what the common denominator is? *cough, cough* You?
Also, personally, I know quite a few really awesome, godly men, they aren’t THAT hard to find. Perhaps you’ve been looking in the wrong places or settling for people you know, deep down, aren’t ideal?
I realize my opinion as a single person isn’t as valuable perhaps as someone with relationship experience. If I’ve found so many great guys, why am I single? Well, just because they’re great guys, doesn’t mean they are great for me specifically. Again, don’t settle. Just because they’re godly and handsome doesn’t mean you are on the same page about money, or children, or politics, or household chores, etc. Maybe you get along great and can be good friends, but if you literally lived together you’d drive each other crazy! With enough time and discussion, you can weed those issues out long before any kind of commitment or intimacy starts, and avoid so much heartache.
For example, I have several guy friends, allow me to introduce them.
I have one who is SUPER introverted, he’s a fun guy, but I know that he would not be a good match for me (or I for him) because we both need spouses who will help us get out of our comfort zones, and we just couldn’t do that for each other. Also, I love to cook, and this friend does NOT like ANYTHING I have ever cooked. So that would be just place frustrating. But we enjoy watching movies together and hanging out from time to time.
I have another guy friend who is a blast and I enjoy hanging out with him, but he’s not very in touch with his emotions, he’s all logic, and very little heart, so me being the tender hearted person I am, would end up feeling hurt a lot. I need that tenderness and passion that comes with someone who is in touch with their feelings. Also, we don’t really communicate well and often misunderstand each other, we just don’t speak each others language. I’m clingy, I want hugs and cuddles and little touches, he would totally not get that at all, it would just not be a good match.
On the flip side, I have two guy friends who I do think are good matches for me.
The first, I courted for 6 months last year. The only reason we did not get married is that he feels God has called him to be celibate from the time he was in 3rd grade. He fell in love with me, but after courting for a while, felt he had to honor what he believes is his calling from God. So… That’s why I’m not married to him. Only reason. Otherwise, we are a fabulous match. We are still close friends and still sometimes end phone calls with “love you”, because we do. Does it hurt sometimes? Of course. But friendship is way more important that “feelings”, and I love that we have such a close friendship even after ending our courtship.
The other, a super dear friend, has for as long as he can remember, been sexually attracted to men. He is a born again Christian, and has, as he put it “given his sexuality to God”. He is still attracted to men, but he does not pursue those thoughts or desires when they come. As he told me once, “I don’t want to ‘be straight’, I’ve spent all this time learning how to protect myself from lusting after men, if I woke up one day and was sexually attracted to women, I wouldn’t know how to handle those temptations. All I want is to keep loving Jesus, and become more like him.” He is content with being single. My prayer for him is that someday, God brings a woman into his life, and he falls in love with her heart, and who she is, and over time, God allows him to become sexually attracted to her. Not because I think he “needs” a wife, but because he’s a lover with a big heart, and I don’t want to see him spend the rest of his life alone. He needs a life long adventuring partner. How amazing would it be to know you were the only woman your husband was ever attracted to? The right girl for him, who loved him for who he is, would be so thrilled to have him. He’s a gem. Such a precious soul who has been so radically changed by the Holy Spirit. We hangout a lot and are often mistaken for a couple on a date, which amuses both of us. But, again, he’s not attracted to me, so I do not allow myself to entertain ideas of us as anything more than good friends.
So, as I said, just because they’re great guys, doesn’t mean you should/can marry them. And I think a lot of these women who have very legitimate heartaches from past relationships need to take a step back from their anti-men accusations and realize that it’s a two way street, and maybe the guy they were with really was a sexist pig, but that doesn’t mean all men are. It means that one was, and there were poor choices made, and wrongs where done, and damage is left behind. But go to Jesus with your heartaches, let him heal you, and stop lashing out at all the men of the world. There are good ones out there who would love to treat you with the respect and love you deserve.
But remember, you have to be the kind of woman who deserves it. You attract what you model. Pursue Christ, seek the Lord, and let God mold you into the kind of woman worthy of a true gentleman, and a true gentleman will find you wild attractive. Trust me, your man, if he’s the right one for you, is doing the same, and God is molding him to be worthy of a woman like you, too.
~TQG

The Greatest Adventure Of All

I have blogged about a fair number of adventures in my time here, but I wanted to clarify something. All of my adventures are just chapters in the grand adventure that is life with Jesus.

Living for Jesus is the most exciting,  joyful adventure anyone could ever hope for. Because of Jesus, I have met and gotten to know people I never would have invested in had He not prodded my heart to do so, or vice versa, had He not prodded their hearts to pursue friendship with me. God has taken me on so many grand adventures in my life, through trials and hardships that ultimately resulted in both His glory and my growth, and also through thrilling , exhilarating, ridiculously fun things that leave a smile on my face every time I think of them.

He has rescued me from my sins and failures, and doesn’t give up on me even when I fall over and over again for the same old stuff. His mercy is new every morning, and His grace never runs out on me, even in my weakness. He loves me with an everlasting love. ❤️

And that is why, for my 25th birthday, my plan is to even out my lopsidedness and get a tattoo on my right shoulder, of mountains, with just the word “Adventure” under it. My hope is that any time someone compliments me on it, or asks about it, I can say “Thank you! Every day is an adventure when you’re walking with Jesus.”, just like I am able, with my current tattoo, to share about my mom and how yes, it’s hard that she is gone, but I know I will see her again because we have eternal life in Jesus.

I realize I said it before, and I was wrong, but I will say it again regardless. I seriously doubt after this one, that I will get any other tattoos. My moms memorial and the word “Adventure” are the only things I have that mean enough to me to want them permanently on my skin. Other than scripture, but there are so many verses I would like to have and just not enough pain tolerance/money/skin that is easily hidden to go around. I am enjoying being a tattooed girl, but I want to also remain classy. ☺️

Anyway, just thoughts I had on my mind that I wanted to share.

Got some thoughts you want to add to that train? Please, feel free to comment!

Tattooed Girl

I CONCURED MY FEAR OF NEEDLES IN THE PRETTIEST WAY POSSIBLE!!

In case you didn’t read my previous post, this is a memorial tattoo for my mom, who passed away on November 22nd, 2014. This year was the three year anniversary of her going home to be with Jesus.

My desire is for my tattoo(s) to draw attention not to me, but to my hope in Jesus. To be conversation starters that open opportunities to share the gospel. My next tattoo is one that will be in celebration of the adventures God has taken me on by introducing me to so many amazing people these last three years.

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The “carbon” copy, aka, the stencil my tattoo artist drew and then transferred to my shoulder.

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For those of you who are, as of yet, ink free, here are a few things you may be wondering.

Does it hurt? Tattoos feel differently depending on where you choose to get them. I chose an area that is known to be one of the least painful places to get a tattoo. I would describe the sensation as having someone scratching you with the tip of a hot knife, not hard enough to break the skin, but enough to be annoying and mildly uncomfortable. It did not feel anything like needles. It felt prickly, hot, and eventually, kind of “fuzzy”. Once  I managed to focus on some distance thought and stop thinking about what it felt like, I drifted off into a calm day dream and didn’t feel much at all.

How long does it take? Depending on the skill of your artist and the size of your piece, it varies. From first touch of the needle to finial product it took about an hour and a half. My artist is very skilled and has 27 years experience under her belt. Do your research before you get inked. Your artist should be experienced, reputable, and have a lot of good word of mouth and online reviews. Find someone who has a tattoo from that artist and talk to them about it. Don’t rush into it. You’re going to have this image/phrase on your skin for life. Be patient and wait for just the right person to do the job.

Are they like potato chips, you can’t have just one? ….. Yeah. Kinda. Seeing as how I am already planning to get another one closer to my birthday. My other should is so bare, guys. Plus, I’m lopsided now. 😁

Any other questions? Feel free to comment. If you live anywhere near South Carolina and want to know who my artist is, shoot me a comment and I’ll send you her info. ❤️

Japanese Cherry Blossoms

So, it’s been a grand total of forever since I have blogged about… well… Anything. So, allow me to give you a brief update (be aware I did not read my last post and don’t remember what I have or have not already told you all) :

I am 24 now! *gasp* SO OLD.

I live in a house with a roommate and no longer in my childhood home or with my Dad. I have real adult bills like rent and utilities and renters insurance now. Yup. Life.

I am a COA, OSC (Certified Ophthalmic Technician and Ophthalmic Scribe Certified) now, as of Dec. of last year (so I am sure I must have told you this… hopefully.)

I am STILL SINGLE. Or really single now. As I was in a courtship with my best friend, who is still my best friend, who I am still madly in love with, but who has chosen to spend the rest of his life with Jesus and be celibate. (But still my best friend, because friendship should not end just because the courtship didn’t end in marriage, fyi.)

I have made a NEW FRIEND, who has the most awesome testimony ever and I love him dearly, he is super cool. He is an excellent adventure buddy. ^_^ In fairness I’ve known him for quite a while but only recently have gotten to know him really well.

As of Dec 2nd, I am getting my first tattoo! Japanese Cherry Blossoms, which symbolize the beauty and fragility of life, and “Matthew 25:21” beneath them, as a memorial to my mom. November 22 will be three years since she went to spend forever with Jesus. My tattoo artist has been doing her thing for 27 years (longer than I have lived) and is super mega skilled. I am stoked. And terrified. It’ll be great! Pictures to come once it is all healed and ready to be seen by the world.

Let’s see… Anything else? I have an iPhone now. That’s not really news. I joined the cult. I’m sorry. I regret nothing. I am enjoying it. Sorry, Android lovers. I was once one of you, but I have moved on to bigger and better things. 😛

Anyway, guys and gals, I really really am sorry I have left you all hanging. Since my courtship ended, I have had less that really inspired me to blog. Yeah, he’s still my best friend, but it’s hard. There was such a beautiful dream, such a precious love, and it is still there, it just cannot grow into anything else, and that’s hard. Please pray for us. Pray for me, that I am able to move on, and pray for my awesome guy, that he would change his mind and marry me. (Just kidding!!… sort of.) Okay, for real, pray for guidance for him, for clarity, and that both of us will continue to be lead by God into whatever future He has for our lives. And that no matter what happens, we remain close friends. His friendship is so valuable to me.

Alrighty, I must be off. But thanks for reading, and thanks for the prayers.

~TQG