It frustrates me when I hear/see women talking about how men are worthless pigs and we (women) are better off alone than “stuck” with a man. First of all, relationship issues are usually the fault of both individuals. Not always, but usually. Perhaps if you’ve had countless failed relationships, you should start asking yourself what the common denominator is? *cough, cough* You?
Also, personally, I know quite a few really awesome, godly men, they aren’t THAT hard to find. Perhaps you’ve been looking in the wrong places or settling for people you know, deep down, aren’t ideal?
I realize my opinion as a single person isn’t as valuable perhaps as someone with relationship experience. If I’ve found so many great guys, why am I single? Well, just because they’re great guys, doesn’t mean they are great for me specifically. Again, don’t settle. Just because they’re godly and handsome doesn’t mean you are on the same page about money, or children, or politics, or household chores, etc. Maybe you get along great and can be good friends, but if you literally lived together you’d drive each other crazy! With enough time and discussion, you can weed those issues out long before any kind of commitment or intimacy starts, and avoid so much heartache.
For example, I have several guy friends, allow me to introduce them.
I have one who is SUPER introverted, he’s a fun guy, but I know that he would not be a good match for me (or I for him) because we both need spouses who will help us get out of our comfort zones, and we just couldn’t do that for each other. Also, I love to cook, and this friend does NOT like ANYTHING I have ever cooked. So that would be just place frustrating. But we enjoy watching movies together and hanging out from time to time.
I have another guy friend who is a blast and I enjoy hanging out with him, but he’s not very in touch with his emotions, he’s all logic, and very little heart, so me being the tender hearted person I am, would end up feeling hurt a lot. I need that tenderness and passion that comes with someone who is in touch with their feelings. Also, we don’t really communicate well and often misunderstand each other, we just don’t speak each others language. I’m clingy, I want hugs and cuddles and little touches, he would totally not get that at all, it would just not be a good match.
On the flip side, I have two guy friends who I do think are good matches for me.
The first, I courted for 6 months last year. The only reason we did not get married is that he feels God has called him to be celibate from the time he was in 3rd grade. He fell in love with me, but after courting for a while, felt he had to honor what he believes is his calling from God. So… That’s why I’m not married to him. Only reason. Otherwise, we are a fabulous match. We are still close friends and still sometimes end phone calls with “love you”, because we do. Does it hurt sometimes? Of course. But friendship is way more important that “feelings”, and I love that we have such a close friendship even after ending our courtship.
The other, a super dear friend, has for as long as he can remember, been sexually attracted to men. He is a born again Christian, and has, as he put it “given his sexuality to God”. He is still attracted to men, but he does not pursue those thoughts or desires when they come. As he told me once, “I don’t want to ‘be straight’, I’ve spent all this time learning how to protect myself from lusting after men, if I woke up one day and was sexually attracted to women, I wouldn’t know how to handle those temptations. All I want is to keep loving Jesus, and become more like him.” He is content with being single. My prayer for him is that someday, God brings a woman into his life, and he falls in love with her heart, and who she is, and over time, God allows him to become sexually attracted to her. Not because I think he “needs” a wife, but because he’s a lover with a big heart, and I don’t want to see him spend the rest of his life alone. He needs a life long adventuring partner. How amazing would it be to know you were the only woman your husband was ever attracted to? The right girl for him, who loved him for who he is, would be so thrilled to have him. He’s a gem. Such a precious soul who has been so radically changed by the Holy Spirit. We hangout a lot and are often mistaken for a couple on a date, which amuses both of us. But, again, he’s not attracted to me, so I do not allow myself to entertain ideas of us as anything more than good friends.
So, as I said, just because they’re great guys, doesn’t mean you should/can marry them. And I think a lot of these women who have very legitimate heartaches from past relationships need to take a step back from their anti-men accusations and realize that it’s a two way street, and maybe the guy they were with really was a sexist pig, but that doesn’t mean all men are. It means that one was, and there were poor choices made, and wrongs where done, and damage is left behind. But go to Jesus with your heartaches, let him heal you, and stop lashing out at all the men of the world. There are good ones out there who would love to treat you with the respect and love you deserve.
But remember, you have to be the kind of woman who deserves it. You attract what you model. Pursue Christ, seek the Lord, and let God mold you into the kind of woman worthy of a true gentleman, and a true gentleman will find you wild attractive. Trust me, your man, if he’s the right one for you, is doing the same, and God is molding him to be worthy of a woman like you, too.