Tonight, I feel good about myself, I cooked a great dinner, I feel well, and I’m in a really good mood. But, sometimes, I just have a very strong desire to cuddle. Not just with anyone, but with my husband. Just one problem…
I don’t have a husband… Or a boyfriend, or any such “significant other” with which to cuddle.
Now, I am glad that thus far in my life I haven’t had boyfriend(s), because I’m very tender hearted and really don’t think I would survive multiple heart breaks and failed relationships. So for that reason, I choose to be thankful that I haven’t been asked out or pursued by the wrong guy(s), or kissed, because I really only want to have shared that with one man. But I will say, at the same time, It’s a bitter sweet kind of thankfulness. Especially on nights when I really want to be cuddled with… It’s kinda depressing.
There are nights when I’m just tired of going to sleep by myself in a cold, lonely bed. Not that I’m in a huge rush to be married, I just wish I could actually see myself moving in that direction. For awhile I thought the reason I didn’t see any progress in it was because God was waiting on me to change something about myself. Something about me wasn’t ready yet. And that is true. In fact I am sure there is a lot about me that needs work, ways I need to mature. But a friend of mine told me something recently that opened my eyes to something I hadn’t even thought of.
“What if he’s not ready yet? Maybe the guy God has for you still has maturing to do too, and that’s why you haven’t seen any progression. God’s working on him.“
That totally blew my mind. It’s like I hadn’t even given thought of the fact that I’m not going to be the only human in that relationship, and all humans have to grow up a bit before they’re ready to pursue something so important as a lifelong relationship with their spouse. Yes, I still have a lot of work to do, God’s still working in my heart to cultivate in me what I need to be a really awesome wife. But He’s got to do the same in my future husbands heart, too. And that really excites me. That right now, God is working in my husbands heart and preparing him for me. Just as I am being prepared for him. Pretty cool.
I guess cuddles will have to wait a while longer. *sighs*