Beauty From Pain

God was awfully busy with me yesterday. I mean, I’m quite sure he always is, but yesterday I saw it.

My Bible study was awesome. It was a group of 14 people, guys and girls, ranging from one or two 17 year olds up into their mid twenties. The leader of the group is the father of one of the girls there, and he was such an awesome guy. He’s probably in his 40’s or 50’s, and he brings a lot of wisdom to the table, but he still encouraged us all to join in and ask questions and share.

Their house was out in the middle of nowhere, down a steep, scary looking gravel driveway, out in the middle of the woods. Gorgeous, quiet, peaceful. The second I walked into their house I felt at home, comfortable. Which is unusual for me when coming into a group of people I barely know.

We studied the concept of Peace last night. Peace with yourself, with God’s plan, with waiting on him. It was quite good. I’m really proud of myself, I read aloud at one point, I prayed aloud with the group (which I usually never do for fear of saying something that makes me feel foolish), and afterwards when a couple girls pulled out their guitars and started playing a few familiar songs, I sang with them. Not loudly, but loud enough to be heard a little.

One girl came up to me afterward and was asking me about myself, and I shared how I’m trying to make friends and have fellowship with more people, and that I’ve spent too much of my life secluded. She nodded and said, “That is exactly how I feel. And God is really strongly telling me that I need to get to know you. So, um, are you free to hangout at all next week?”

Guys, this is what I’ve been praying for for so long. It’s literally, in my mind, a miracle. Everyone there was so accepting and welcoming and understanding. So much so that I nearly started to cry several different times.

One girl, a very spunky black girl who really cracks me up, was talking to me about guitars and was like, “Yeah, so I taught myself and if you’re not using your guitar, I’d really like to buy it from you and you’re really pretty by the way. Just thought I’d slip that in there, cause you really are.” and then her sister chimed in, “Yeah, can I braid your hair?”

I’ve just, never felt so wanted so quickly. Usually when I enter a group, I feel like the outsider. This was like being welcomed into a family. I was also told by the sassy black girl (I would mention her name but it’s really unique and I don’t want to draw any stalkers, haha), “You’re the quietest person I have ever met. But you stick around us for a few weeks, you’ll find your inner crazy. We’ll draw it out of ya, then you won’t shut up!”

I didn’t want to leave that night. We ended at about 9:15 or so, and I didn’t leave till about five after ten.

When I came home, I found out why the timing of all this was so important. I ended up having a difficult, though good, discussion with my best friend, and God knew that I would need this hope that I acquired from Bible study to help carry me through that conversation.

Not that it was much easier. And I didn’t get much sleep last night, because I needed to just listen to come encouraging music.

These two songs stand out above the rest as the most real to my situation. I’m looking forward to the day I can sing the chorus of the first one and really, joyfully mean it.

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