A Dream Fund

Only a couple people currently know this, but I have a separate savings fund in my bank account called “Special Trip Savings”. Originally I titled it “Honeymoon Savings”, but it made me sad whenever I saw it, since I can’t actually see progress in the marriage department of my life.

It started out with just $40 in it, but in just over two years of adding between $20-$60 bucks per pay check, it is at just over $700. And I’m still at a loss as to what to do with it. I have another savings fund which I’ve used for car issues, college and occasionally for holiday money, and it has a good bit more in it, so I don’t need to worry about saving this for emergencies. But do I still save it for my honeymoon?

Another fact: I’ve dreamed for quite a while now of visiting New Zealand. But I really don’t want to go alone. Half the fun of an adventure is sharing it with someone else. So I’ve thought that maybe, possibly, I could go with my husband. Someday…. And we’d need money for that. A good bit of money. Yet it just seems so far off and unlikely to me that I wonder if I’m just day dreaming. Maybe it’s all a romantic fairy tale in my head and won’t actually happen. Maybe one day I’ll be 30 and still single and forced to use the money to pay rent–since I can’t be so ridiculous as to think I can just live with my parents forever. Though living alone just seems… terrifying. I hate being alone with a passion. Occasionally I like a little bit of time alone, but to live alone, to have no one to come home to, to tell of the details of my day, or sit and chat with—that just seems like a nightmare.

I’m in a bit of a paradox when I say that, being that I don’t spend much time cultivating my social life. Though I spend a great deal of time and energy on being a good example and upholding my standards at work, the rest of the time I spend in books, or with my critters, and little time with like-minded people. Probably because I meet very few truly like-minded people. And I’ve been sick at least once a month lately for reasons I wish I knew, so that leads to a lot of time at home on the couch watching Doctor Who and depleting the worlds tissue supply. Fun. 

Maybe I just think way too much, and need to just shut my mind up. That is always a possibility.


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