Lately, I’ve been feeling God’s hand in my life, gently molding my heart. Softening the areas that had previously grown callous, opening me up to new possibilities I may have ignored or been disinterested in before. There’s so much I want to do, and I’m realizing how short life on this earth is. I don’t want to waste the time I’ve been given. I want to travel and visit the people that are dear to me, see the places I’ve always wanted to see. But I don’t know where to begin. Traveling requires copious quantities of money, money that I don’t really have, or at the very least, can’t talk myself into spending all in one place.
School also requires money! And I’d like to do some of that as well. Though I have a semi-pessimistic opinion on the real value of a college degree in the working world, I do want to gain more skills. Skills I’ll actually use. I’ve got ideas, but they’re all very subjective, and I can’t nail one down. At least, right now I’m struggling to do so. I love working with kids, but not in a way that I can really go to school for.
It’s frustrating. I get asked so regularly what my “plans” are, and I want to answer them with something like “well I’m going to school for _____ and I’m going to get a job doing ____”. Today though, I had a devotional that focused on this verse:
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”—yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. (James 4:13–16)
Now I know this verse isn’t saying that having plans is evil, it’s saying that you should always bear in mind that God’s plans are above yours, and He often changes your course without telling you. You can’t predict your future. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9) But what this verse and that devotional made me wonder today is this: Perhaps my answer to them can just be “I’m in the process of seeking God’s will for my life”. Not that I’m just waiting for words in the sky telling me what to do, but that I’m looking at all my options, weighing the benefits and praying over my decision. At the moment, if I’m honest, I have say it’s not a very satisfying answer, but it’s the truth. I desperately want to set a course and start working toward something, but all the somethings out there are expensive, and money can only be spent once. Can I ask my readers to pray with me, that God helps steer me toward the right path? Helps me make a decision, before I lose my mind? 😛
Whatever may come, I’m praying for some major “progress” in 2015. Some sort of progression toward the dreams God’s laid in my heart. 2014 ended in heartbreak. Hoping that 2015 can begin with healing, and a fresh start.