One More

Trust, just one more time.

Love, just one more time.

Let someone in, just one more time.

And after that, do it all once more.

Tomorrow is a new day, just go one more.

You’ve got one hundred steps to go, let’s make it ninety nine.

This song is on my workout playlist, but it’s been an anthem of mine for ages. It’s helped me get back up after the emotional beatings I’ve gone through, reminded me that I don’t have to climb the whole mountain, just take one step in the right direction. One step at a time.

I don’t like being as sensitive as I am sometimes, but I’m slowly realizing that my greatest weakness, the thing that makes me the most vulnerable, also makes me strong, and is my greatest asset. Anyone with a heart can sympathize with others, but to be able to empathize is a gift. Yeah, it makes me more emotional, a bit more quick to tears than I would like, makes me easy to hurt. But it’s also a gift to others. I can shine my light into peoples lives with more ease than most. That’s awesome. It makes me special. I feel the most at home with myself when I let myself feel, open myself up fully and let people in. But it’s just so hard to do. The walls I built myself became a cage, and it’s a daily battle to get out.

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When I do manage to get out though, it’s the most amazing feeling ever.

Sometimes it’s just letting myself be silly around people, laughing, being relaxed, that just feels like a little sliver of heaven. Like I could just take that moment, seal it up in a snow globe of memory and revisit it whenever I was feeling down. I wish memories worked that way.

But, they don’t. Which is probably for the best. It keeps me determined to seek new ones, which is a tremendously excellent adventure.

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