New Endeavors

Where have. You. Been?! (Any Molly Weasley fans? No? Y’all are lame…)

On a serious note, I’ve been a busy busy camper. In the past few months, I’ve been working towards a new goal. I’ve been a COA & OSC (Certified Ophthalmic Assistant and Ophthalmic Scribe Certified) for 6 1/2 years and, the clinic I work for has been understaffed and poorly managed for the majority of those years. But ever since COVID-19, it has been so so much worse. I have cried almost daily either at work or after work. But I’ve felt so trapped. I don’t like what I hear about other clinics, so I’m afraid to go apply elsewhere. But yet, all my academic achievements so far are in Ophthalmology, so if I want a good paying job, I’ve got to stay in that field. …. Right?

Wrong.

As I’ve been mulling around ideas on how to get OUT of ophthalmology, I began thinking about my mom. For many reasons. My ultimate goal is to be a stay at home mom who makes at least some contribution to the family income, like my mom did. So, how did she do it? She was a Certified Personal Trainer. She made her own schedule and helped people work towards their health and fitness goals, often taking me with her to client meetings/sessions. I grew up in the gym, and I love the gym. Lately I’ve been so overworked that I haven’t been able to go to the gym. Suddenly, it dawned on me.

If I pursue becoming a Certified Personal Trainer, I can get a full time job as a CPT at a gym, work out before or after my client sessions, and still have all the benefits (401k, health/dental/vision insurance, PTO, etc), while doing something I love. And one day when we decide to have kids, I can bring my kid and let them stay in the children’s room, go part time if need be, or find clients independent of the gym and make my own schedule, whichever works best for our family/financial situation.

So, with that revelation, and some talks with my husband, I enrolled in NASM’s CPT program and am so far half way through the online course. It is not easy but I am loving it. I am also enrolled in their Nutrition Coach program, which I’m super excited about because nutrition is fascinating to me.

Currently, after all the craziness that 2020-2021 has put my family through, I have gained a lot of weight. No one would want me as their personal trainer right now. So, as I work towards my certification, I also take the knowledge I’m gaining and apply it to myself. Hopefully, but the time I’m ready to start applying to gyms, I’ll be back much closer to my goal weight.

Prayers, please, for this new adventure. I am SOO excited!!

-TQG

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#WifeLife Vol. 5 Boudoir and Anniversary’s

My belated gift (since the photo shoot isn’t until after our June 5th one year anniversary!) to Joseph is going to be a small (10 or so pics) photo album of boudoir photos that I’m having taken. Sexy shots in lingerie and such. I’m excited! The girl taking them is someone I’ve known from church years ago who is a professional photographer now and does a lot of boudoir shoots.

I cannot believe we’ve been married 10 months. Totally bizarre. God has been so faithful to us in this first year. Life’s been insane, but He gave us each other, and that has been so wonderful.

On Politics. Sort of.

My only “political” post, more just a post about finances and life. Not to start a conversation. But just because it’s been on my mind.

I remember during the Obama administration, I was THRILLED to see gas at $2.99 per gallon. How unaffordable will Obama 2.0 be? Maybe we’ll spend over $400 a month on gas. Currently even with the fairly reasonable prices, we’ve been spending about $300 per month between the two of us, on just work commutes and grocery trips. Not sure how we’ll afford much more than that. But it’s already starting to rise… (gas prices based on Columbia, SC prices if you’re wondering.)

Lately I’ve been struggling to be still and trust God, as I watch the world crumble into what appears to be lawlessness, on both sides. Being newly married, and hoping to have kids one day, there’s a big part of me that doesn’t know if I want to bring children into this world. There’s so little wisdom, so few people who are still fighting for freedom. So much confusion.

If the minimum wage gets raised, everything will become more expensive so that companies and businesses can stay afloat, pretty much negating the “increased” income. Meaning that ultimately, finances will be even tighter. How will my little family even afford to house, clothe, feed, etc, a child?

Admittedly, I’m fighting a lot of fear of the future. And I know God will provide. He always has. And I do trust Him. But I am also anxious. I’m having a Mark 9:24 moment for sure.

Up until this point, I’ve been very careful with my money/time/resources, built up savings, built my career, and yes, I owe it all to God for sure! But I have worked hard for it, and I take some pride it in, and I have trusted too much in my ability to “pull myself up by my bootstraps”. But the world is changing, and it’s being taken out of my control more and more. And I don’t like it. I’m struggling with being calm about it.

Anyway. That’s just a bit of my recent thoughts. Pray with me for our country, and for me for my stress. I know God’s got this. But there’s a difference between knowing something and feeling it. I know it. But right now, I’m feeling mostly the fear.

“I believe, help my unbelief!”

It’s Beginning Look A Lot Like Christmas! #WifeLife Vol. 5

We had our Christmas photos taken!

Jessie was a spaz the whole time but somehow she still looks epically photogenic.

I ordered my Christmas cards and I am so excited to send them out!! 🎄😁 Married life really is the best.

MoJoe Wedding

Just a dream y’all. Enjoy some sneak peaks from our photographer!

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This Guy

 

This guy I’m seeing. What can I say? He’s pursuing my heart with such gentleness and respect, I can’t recall ever feeling so valuable. It’s lovely. It’s beautiful. It’s still so new and so fresh, I’m looking forward to seeing where it all goes. But as it stands, it’s looking pretty awesome.

A little birdie told me…

So occasionally I have little bullet point thoughts 💭. They’re short and to the point and not really worthy of a full blog. But I still wanna get them out there. So I made a twitter account for this purpose.

TQG Twitter

Please feel free to follow me if you’re a Twitterer too! 😉

Can I be honest?

This post may or may not be very long, include multiple, seemingly unrelated topics, and appear somewhat disjointed. You have been forewarned.

I heard a song the other day one Air1. It was incredible, it set a fire in my mind, a chain reaction that lead to the most electrifying, thrilling thoughts about Heaven. Allow me to share with you the gist of the thoughts it inspired within my lil’ head.

We often think of Heaven for what will be there when we arrive. The untouched, pure nature, the animals, the people we miss, and of course, more than any of that, finally being with our Creator. And that is AWESOME. But there’s a part of Heaven I never even considered in depth until hearing this song.

We’ll be there. The real us. Not the sin hampered, war torn version of us that is present currently, but the part of us that is true and perfect. Everything truly good about us, the things that were knit into our being by God, those little glimmers of what we are truly meant to be when fully realized in Jesus will finally be set completely free of temptation, sin, and the weight of the burdens of this world.

Yes, Jesus has already freed us from sin, but how many of us have had those many, many times when we tried to rely on our own strength to fight temptation and failed miserably? *raises hand*  We are free from sin, but sin still has and influence on our lives, whether through our own actions or indirectly through the actions of others. Take a few moments to just sit and imagine being totally yourself, minus every sinful thought you’ve ever had, minus every memory of every failure, every unkind thought that ever crossed your mind. The freedom of no longer having to guard your heart, your eyes, your ears, and your mind from the evils of this world. Total freedom. Totality of redemption. The fullness of perfection. The weightlessness of your soul, no longer oppressed by a hostile world, or poisoned by the unavoidable inundation of crude humor, language and images.

I don’t know about you, but that is extremely exciting to me.

With that in mind, please enjoy the song. 🙂

If, at this point you’ve wondered about the title and warning at the beginning of this post, “Be honest about what?”, here it is.

I haven’t actually sat down and spent time in my Bible in …. I’m not even sure. A while.

I haven’t spent true, quality time praying and talking/listening to God in almost as long. Not counting the three or four times I’ve cried myself to sleep while talking to God recently, or the times I’ve spent maybe 20 minutes in prayer in my car before work.

Related to the above, I’ve cried myself to sleep a lot lately. Actually, I’ve just plan cried a lot.

I have been struggling so hard to be positive, to put effort into my friendships, to even reply to text messages.

Now, I consider myself to be somewhat of a smart cookie. (Is that a phrase? Or is it tough cookie? Because cookies should be soft, tough cookies are gross…) I know that if I solved the first problem (spending time in God’s Word), the other ones would pretty much take care of themselves. I know this. Truly. How can I experience the peace of God when I don’t spend time seeking His face? Answer, I can’t. I must seek His presence if I want to be lifted from this depressive state I’m currently in. But will you, whomever you may be, please pray for me? Even if it’s just a quick little prayer while you’re reading this post, it would be appreciated.

I miss my mom. I miss home cooked food. I miss having time to make my own home cooked food. I miss having someone to talk about “girl stuff” with. That’s what I’m crying over. I miss the life I used to have. Before the loss. I feel crushed under the weight of that loss sometimes.

We finally had her stone engraved and placed. It’s beautiful, but, they only put one “T” in Matthew. Not that big of a deal, you say? No one will notice? That’s true. But I cried about it for almost 30 minutes when I noticed it.

I wanted it to be perfect. Does she care if there’s a T missing from Matthew? Nooo. But still, it bothered me that much. Less so now, but still… It’s there.

I feel like a total train wreck on the inside lately, and I miss being a child. Being able to just break down and cry whenever and wherever you are when you feel overwhelmed, and it be socially acceptable. Adults aren’t allowed to break down. Adults have to be… “adult” about it. Take it in stride. Keep on keeping on. But I feel like I just need a week to break down, fall apart completely, and start from scratch, much like I did when I was off work for two weeks after my mom died.

But I can’t do that. I have to keep going. Keep smiling. It may be a dark night, but there is a dawn approaching. I can’t see it yet, but through the promises of Christ, I know it’s coming. I have hope.

A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.

~Isaiah 42:3 (Matthew 12:20 as well.)

I may be a bruised weed, but He will mend me and set me straight and tall again.

One Good Conversation

All it takes is one good conversation.

Today at work, I found myself in a rarely seen or found place. My comfort zone! Alone in a room with an adult, married, Christian man whilst we both enjoyed our lunch hour. This coworker and I had not previously had an actual conversation, but I have overheard him talk about his wife quite lovingly, and we’re friends on Facebook, which was, combined, enough to make me feel quite comfortable.

Not sure how we got there, but eventually we got to talking about what we had studied in scripture, and he shared what he had been learning about how we are to handle grief and death, which lead to me talking about my mom.

I worked exceptionally hard to keep from crying, and managed, but just barely, as I talked about her and how she passed. But what really struck me what his reaction. He too was working hard not to cry, and I could see the tears welling in his eyes as he just sat and listened. Not many people take time to sit and listen these days. And when they do, it stands out to me. But even more than listen, he was feeling my words as I spoke them. That is a rare and often burdensome gift to bare. I know, because I share it, and it’s one of the reasons I literally can’t get very close with more than a few people at once. I just can’t handle it. I feel what they feel, and I can only feel so much before I burst.

Back to this coworker of mine. Our lunch hour ended, and we both gathered up our emotions and laughed a bit, and went our separate ways to the opposite sides of the building where we work. But the whole thing shed light on a struggle I’ve had just recently as I try to integrate myself into this new church group I’m in.

I’m not actually as bad at communicating as I keep making myself out to be. See, at this last group event I went to, I was the only girl on the speed boat (be jealous. Of the speed boat, not of me being out numbered by attractive guys, because that’s actually just overwhelming and exhausting) and though conversation is not readily required when going 35-60 mph over water dragging people on skis, wake boards or tubes, there are still plenty of moments when it’s really a good idea to say….something…. anything…. like, seriously. And I DID. Several times!! And I did, indeed, speak loud enough to be heard and somewhat acknowledged for having said something. But a conversation is a two way street. I can say as much as I want, but if no one picks up the topic and runs with it, it’s just gunna lay there on the ground and die a slow, awkward death. And my introverted self only has energy for a few well place conversation starters before it’s really up to them to come up with a new one. Don’t get me wrong, in a group setting, I can kill a conversation without even trying! It’s like a super power! I’m speaking of one-on-one conversations here, where I prefer to live.

Now, I did talk to people, and have good conversations. With a girl who later joined the boat, and her husband. I’m noticing that married men seem to be much more capable of conversation… Single guys however… at least, the ones in this group… man.

It only takes one good conversation, just one time when I feel like they are actually interested in talking and listening, and I’ll talk to them pretty easily from that point on. Not totally absent of awkward, but at least halfway capable of forming cohesive sentences. If someone would just take that 10, 15, maybe 20 minutes to get past that initial awkward, I promise, I have something to offer. It may be walled away, but behind the gate is a garden. And the greatest treasure is planted at the very center of that garden– my heart. I don’t mean this just from a romantic standpoint, my heart is who I am, and you don’t really get to see it until you take the time to try. Not saying it’s easy to get to, but it’s totally worth the trouble, and the path through the garden is actually quite nice.

I talked about this to my Dad recently, and he said to me, “The right guy will see that, and he will take the time to get to know you whether you’re awkward or not, he’ll see what’s hidden behind it and want to seek it out.” Man, I sure hope that’s true. Cause right now, it sure doesn’t feel that way.

~TQG

Please also enjoy this: “Introverts and the inner flame“, a very good little article that relates to mine quite well.

Adventure is out there!!

I present to you, two pictures about adventure and curiosity, a title that is a quote from “Up!” and…. that’s about it actually.

Stuff is going on. Things are happening. I’m pretty confused about said stuff and things, but HEY. Adventure! Right?!