New Endeavors

Where have. You. Been?! (Any Molly Weasley fans? No? Y’all are lame…)

On a serious note, I’ve been a busy busy camper. In the past few months, I’ve been working towards a new goal. I’ve been a COA & OSC (Certified Ophthalmic Assistant and Ophthalmic Scribe Certified) for 6 1/2 years and, the clinic I work for has been understaffed and poorly managed for the majority of those years. But ever since COVID-19, it has been so so much worse. I have cried almost daily either at work or after work. But I’ve felt so trapped. I don’t like what I hear about other clinics, so I’m afraid to go apply elsewhere. But yet, all my academic achievements so far are in Ophthalmology, so if I want a good paying job, I’ve got to stay in that field. …. Right?

Wrong.

As I’ve been mulling around ideas on how to get OUT of ophthalmology, I began thinking about my mom. For many reasons. My ultimate goal is to be a stay at home mom who makes at least some contribution to the family income, like my mom did. So, how did she do it? She was a Certified Personal Trainer. She made her own schedule and helped people work towards their health and fitness goals, often taking me with her to client meetings/sessions. I grew up in the gym, and I love the gym. Lately I’ve been so overworked that I haven’t been able to go to the gym. Suddenly, it dawned on me.

If I pursue becoming a Certified Personal Trainer, I can get a full time job as a CPT at a gym, work out before or after my client sessions, and still have all the benefits (401k, health/dental/vision insurance, PTO, etc), while doing something I love. And one day when we decide to have kids, I can bring my kid and let them stay in the children’s room, go part time if need be, or find clients independent of the gym and make my own schedule, whichever works best for our family/financial situation.

So, with that revelation, and some talks with my husband, I enrolled in NASM’s CPT program and am so far half way through the online course. It is not easy but I am loving it. I am also enrolled in their Nutrition Coach program, which I’m super excited about because nutrition is fascinating to me.

Currently, after all the craziness that 2020-2021 has put my family through, I have gained a lot of weight. No one would want me as their personal trainer right now. So, as I work towards my certification, I also take the knowledge I’m gaining and apply it to myself. Hopefully, but the time I’m ready to start applying to gyms, I’ll be back much closer to my goal weight.

Prayers, please, for this new adventure. I am SOO excited!!

-TQG

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On Politics. Sort of.

My only “political” post, more just a post about finances and life. Not to start a conversation. But just because it’s been on my mind.

I remember during the Obama administration, I was THRILLED to see gas at $2.99 per gallon. How unaffordable will Obama 2.0 be? Maybe we’ll spend over $400 a month on gas. Currently even with the fairly reasonable prices, we’ve been spending about $300 per month between the two of us, on just work commutes and grocery trips. Not sure how we’ll afford much more than that. But it’s already starting to rise… (gas prices based on Columbia, SC prices if you’re wondering.)

Lately I’ve been struggling to be still and trust God, as I watch the world crumble into what appears to be lawlessness, on both sides. Being newly married, and hoping to have kids one day, there’s a big part of me that doesn’t know if I want to bring children into this world. There’s so little wisdom, so few people who are still fighting for freedom. So much confusion.

If the minimum wage gets raised, everything will become more expensive so that companies and businesses can stay afloat, pretty much negating the “increased” income. Meaning that ultimately, finances will be even tighter. How will my little family even afford to house, clothe, feed, etc, a child?

Admittedly, I’m fighting a lot of fear of the future. And I know God will provide. He always has. And I do trust Him. But I am also anxious. I’m having a Mark 9:24 moment for sure.

Up until this point, I’ve been very careful with my money/time/resources, built up savings, built my career, and yes, I owe it all to God for sure! But I have worked hard for it, and I take some pride it in, and I have trusted too much in my ability to “pull myself up by my bootstraps”. But the world is changing, and it’s being taken out of my control more and more. And I don’t like it. I’m struggling with being calm about it.

Anyway. That’s just a bit of my recent thoughts. Pray with me for our country, and for me for my stress. I know God’s got this. But there’s a difference between knowing something and feeling it. I know it. But right now, I’m feeling mostly the fear.

“I believe, help my unbelief!”

Fear? Psh.

So I conquered a fear today. Or rather, found a new way to conquer an old fear.

A little green opal now lives on my ear in this nice right helix piercing. I’m loving it!

Also, update on that new shampoo from Function of Beauty. LOVE IT, my hair is softer and the split ends are much improved. Definitely recommend. See my previous post for a link to get $5 off your first order!

A little birdie told me…

So occasionally I have little bullet point thoughts 💭. They’re short and to the point and not really worthy of a full blog. But I still wanna get them out there. So I made a twitter account for this purpose.

TQG Twitter

Please feel free to follow me if you’re a Twitterer too! 😉

Tattooed Girl

I CONCURED MY FEAR OF NEEDLES IN THE PRETTIEST WAY POSSIBLE!!

In case you didn’t read my previous post, this is a memorial tattoo for my mom, who passed away on November 22nd, 2014. This year was the three year anniversary of her going home to be with Jesus.

My desire is for my tattoo(s) to draw attention not to me, but to my hope in Jesus. To be conversation starters that open opportunities to share the gospel. My next tattoo is one that will be in celebration of the adventures God has taken me on by introducing me to so many amazing people these last three years.

The “carbon” copy, aka, the stencil my tattoo artist drew and then transferred to my shoulder.

For those of you who are, as of yet, ink free, here are a few things you may be wondering.

Does it hurt? Tattoos feel differently depending on where you choose to get them. I chose an area that is known to be one of the least painful places to get a tattoo. I would describe the sensation as having someone scratching you with the tip of a hot knife, not hard enough to break the skin, but enough to be annoying and mildly uncomfortable. It did not feel anything like needles. It felt prickly, hot, and eventually, kind of “fuzzy”. Once  I managed to focus on some distance thought and stop thinking about what it felt like, I drifted off into a calm day dream and didn’t feel much at all.

How long does it take? Depending on the skill of your artist and the size of your piece, it varies. From first touch of the needle to finial product it took about an hour and a half. My artist is very skilled and has 27 years experience under her belt. Do your research before you get inked. Your artist should be experienced, reputable, and have a lot of good word of mouth and online reviews. Find someone who has a tattoo from that artist and talk to them about it. Don’t rush into it. You’re going to have this image/phrase on your skin for life. Be patient and wait for just the right person to do the job.

Are they like potato chips, you can’t have just one? ….. Yeah. Kinda. Seeing as how I am already planning to get another one closer to my birthday. My other should is so bare, guys. Plus, I’m lopsided now. 😁

Any other questions? Feel free to comment. If you live anywhere near South Carolina and want to know who my artist is, shoot me a comment and I’ll send you her info. ❤️

Can I be honest?

This post may or may not be very long, include multiple, seemingly unrelated topics, and appear somewhat disjointed. You have been forewarned.

I heard a song the other day one Air1. It was incredible, it set a fire in my mind, a chain reaction that lead to the most electrifying, thrilling thoughts about Heaven. Allow me to share with you the gist of the thoughts it inspired within my lil’ head.

We often think of Heaven for what will be there when we arrive. The untouched, pure nature, the animals, the people we miss, and of course, more than any of that, finally being with our Creator. And that is AWESOME. But there’s a part of Heaven I never even considered in depth until hearing this song.

We’ll be there. The real us. Not the sin hampered, war torn version of us that is present currently, but the part of us that is true and perfect. Everything truly good about us, the things that were knit into our being by God, those little glimmers of what we are truly meant to be when fully realized in Jesus will finally be set completely free of temptation, sin, and the weight of the burdens of this world.

Yes, Jesus has already freed us from sin, but how many of us have had those many, many times when we tried to rely on our own strength to fight temptation and failed miserably? *raises hand*  We are free from sin, but sin still has and influence on our lives, whether through our own actions or indirectly through the actions of others. Take a few moments to just sit and imagine being totally yourself, minus every sinful thought you’ve ever had, minus every memory of every failure, every unkind thought that ever crossed your mind. The freedom of no longer having to guard your heart, your eyes, your ears, and your mind from the evils of this world. Total freedom. Totality of redemption. The fullness of perfection. The weightlessness of your soul, no longer oppressed by a hostile world, or poisoned by the unavoidable inundation of crude humor, language and images.

I don’t know about you, but that is extremely exciting to me.

With that in mind, please enjoy the song. 🙂

If, at this point you’ve wondered about the title and warning at the beginning of this post, “Be honest about what?”, here it is.

I haven’t actually sat down and spent time in my Bible in …. I’m not even sure. A while.

I haven’t spent true, quality time praying and talking/listening to God in almost as long. Not counting the three or four times I’ve cried myself to sleep while talking to God recently, or the times I’ve spent maybe 20 minutes in prayer in my car before work.

Related to the above, I’ve cried myself to sleep a lot lately. Actually, I’ve just plan cried a lot.

I have been struggling so hard to be positive, to put effort into my friendships, to even reply to text messages.

Now, I consider myself to be somewhat of a smart cookie. (Is that a phrase? Or is it tough cookie? Because cookies should be soft, tough cookies are gross…) I know that if I solved the first problem (spending time in God’s Word), the other ones would pretty much take care of themselves. I know this. Truly. How can I experience the peace of God when I don’t spend time seeking His face? Answer, I can’t. I must seek His presence if I want to be lifted from this depressive state I’m currently in. But will you, whomever you may be, please pray for me? Even if it’s just a quick little prayer while you’re reading this post, it would be appreciated.

I miss my mom. I miss home cooked food. I miss having time to make my own home cooked food. I miss having someone to talk about “girl stuff” with. That’s what I’m crying over. I miss the life I used to have. Before the loss. I feel crushed under the weight of that loss sometimes.

We finally had her stone engraved and placed. It’s beautiful, but, they only put one “T” in Matthew. Not that big of a deal, you say? No one will notice? That’s true. But I cried about it for almost 30 minutes when I noticed it.

I wanted it to be perfect. Does she care if there’s a T missing from Matthew? Nooo. But still, it bothered me that much. Less so now, but still… It’s there.

I feel like a total train wreck on the inside lately, and I miss being a child. Being able to just break down and cry whenever and wherever you are when you feel overwhelmed, and it be socially acceptable. Adults aren’t allowed to break down. Adults have to be… “adult” about it. Take it in stride. Keep on keeping on. But I feel like I just need a week to break down, fall apart completely, and start from scratch, much like I did when I was off work for two weeks after my mom died.

But I can’t do that. I have to keep going. Keep smiling. It may be a dark night, but there is a dawn approaching. I can’t see it yet, but through the promises of Christ, I know it’s coming. I have hope.

A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.

~Isaiah 42:3 (Matthew 12:20 as well.)

I may be a bruised weed, but He will mend me and set me straight and tall again.

Awkward Silence

Disclaimer: this is from Pinterest. I didn’t make it, I know nothing about the dude who said it, and I don’t have a tumblr nor to I visit the site. I just like this quote.

Today I had a moment of “awkward silence” with someone, and after I got home I saw this quote. It made me feel better about myself and my social foibles. Why do we feel awkward about a moment of silence? Must every moment of time spent with someone be filled with speech? And really, if someone avoids you because you’re sometimes “awkward”, are they really the kind of person you want to be around? After all, a friend that you have to be interesting around just to keep their attention, isn’t a real friend. We’re all boring, guys. I mean, really. We’re all very interesting too, if you take the time to appreciate each person’s own unique qualities and interests. We’re all awkward in our own way, we’re all awesome in our own way.

Anyway, I’m sort of preaching to myself here. Don’t think that all my “don’t be ashamed of your social problems” talk is me speaking from a point of confidence. It’s a huge weakness in my life, but I’m working really really hard to heal it, with God’s help. Getting there slowly but surely. Sometimes I just need to type up a little pep talk to myself. Maybe one of you needed one too. 🙂

Learning to be Lovely

Just a quick note, God is doing SO MUCH in my life through my church and the Young Professionals group, working on my heart attitudes. Especially on my opinion of myself. He’s using others to help me appreciate who He created me to be. Showing me what it looks like to let your inner beauty show, and how to like what I see in the mirror. I’m learning to love myself for the first time in so long I can’t even remember. And you can’t properly love others until you learn to truly love yourself, seeing yourself as God sees you: perfect and breathtakingly beautiful. Loving the journey He’s taking me on.

Bravery

Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to push on, keep trying, and not let the fear win.

The Wallflower Blooms

I apologize for having neglected my blog for quite some time. Life has gotten in the way, and probably will continue to do so. But, to those of my followers who are reading this: THANK YOU for sticking with me! For bothering to read this even when you haven’t heard of me for ages! You rock.

Recently something awesome has happened. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve finally started spending time in scripture literally every day with the help of a good friend of mine. And it’s helped me in so many ways. God has impressed upon me the need to start attending church regularly, get into the body of Christ, get connected, start serving, get off my island of isolation. So I began looking for a new church. I finally decided to try out one that is literally three/five minutes away from my house. A smallish church that’s been there for as long as I can remember, one that I attended VBS at when I was a little camper.

I’ve been there four or five times now, and attended the “college” (aged) bible study twice. It had been quite some time since I’d been in a group of new people, and even longer since I’d been in a group setting at all… I was prepared to have my usual insecurities resurface, prepared to be the ultra quiet, introverted, anti-social girl that I have been for so many years. The awkward wallflower, always present but never involved. I didn’t go into it thinking that I’d try extra hard this time to be outgoing, or that I’d force myself to talk to people, I honestly didn’t think about what I would try to do or not do, I just took a deep breath and dove in. And God showed up, guys.

In the past, walking into a room full of new people was like a mouse walking through a room of tigers. I was petrified, internally shaking, heart pounding, basically overreacting in every sense of the word. And if that room of new people was primarily guys, watch out. Multiply that nervousness times a thousand.

This time, after leaving the church service, I did what I’ve never done, and sought out help at the welcome center. The guy at the welcome center was… well… A guy. A mid-twenties guy. And I didn’t even hesitate to ask him if he would help me find the room for the college age bible study. He walked me to the room filled with more twenty something guys and I walked in, introduced myself, and casually made small talk. I got involved in the discussion during bible study, offered my opinion, laughed, joked, and WAS A REAL LIVE HUMAN BEING THE WHOLE FREAKING TIME. This last week I even poked fun at one of the guys because he doesn’t like coffee. WHO AM I?

Answer: A precious child of God who has finally, after all this time, accepted her worth in Christ and let go of her fears of rejection. Amen. I’m so excited to get to know myself as this confident, outgoing, far more charismatic girl I’ve somehow become. I didn’t know I had it in me, but God did, and once I let Him in, he took of the chains of insecurity and set my heart free. Praise Jesus.