Random Feels

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Just some random quotes/pictures I found in my wanderings of Pinterest that made me smile, touched my heart, or that I related to. 🙂

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Gotta Be Somebody

A friend sent me this song today. Instant arrow to the heart. But I like feeling sad sometimes. It’s happy for deep people. (Sally Sparrow reference!)

In less sad, or actually, the opposite of sad, news:

GOD IS DOING AMAZING THINGS 

He’s waking my desire for His word. Drawing me out of my fears. Connecting me to new people, new experiences, new joys. And I am loving every minute of it.

But, because of this, I can feel the enemy attacking me. I took a major hit today, I was knocked down pretty bad. But by the grace of God, I know I can get back up.

I had a long, stressful day, and I succeeded. But the devil had to try and end the day on a sour note. Guess what, devil? You’ve already lost. My flesh may fail, but my God never will.

It’s very suddenly 2016. I feel that God has big plans for me this year. I have a few hopes, but I know His plan will far surpass even my dizziest day dreams. I’m excited. 🙂

Here’s a cute, happy Disney song to end the post that I started off so dreary. ^_^

Anchors of the Heart

I’ve written about this before, but it’s after midnight, I’ve got a full cup of chamomile tea, and it’s on my mind again. So, here we go!

I just adore those times, so few as they are, when you know someone long enough, or deeply enough, to begin to see who they are in their appearance.

As an empath, part of my INFJ personality, I make quick judgements about people within minutes of meeting them. Not severe judgements, just things like “Trustworthy”, “Untrustworthy”, “Insecure”, “Hiding something”, pretty vague estimates, but enough to help me navigate my world and choose who I want to be influenced by, or who I want to be an influence to. I can feel, more times than not, the emotions of those around me. Certain people may have hearts of gold, but have such tumultuous emotions that I just can’t handle spending extended time around them. Others, thought extremely rare, exude a calmness that tames my own cloud of emotions. These are people I can spend hours with and never grow weary.

My favorite thing is when I meet someone, and my first impression is positive, but vague. Nothing really solid for me to build a foundation on to decided exactly how I feel about them yet, but it’s looking at the very least, not negative.

Fast forward. Now, I look at them and I don’t see their features, I see kindness in their eyes, a joy-filled smile, gentle finger tips, wise lips. Their features become anchors for their personality traits. It’s such a profound transformation. That is when you can really love a person for who they are, when you cease to see a body and instead see them. Who they are becomes their appearance when you look at them through the eyes of your heart. Gosh, it’s a beautiful sight.

Comfortable Silence

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I love people who can hold their own in a conversation. Who can fill in the gaps that I so often leave. Who can gently draw me out, even when I’m not actively trying to participate. Conversely, I love when those same people can just sit quietly with me and not insist on filling the silence. Knowing when something is worth breaking silence for and when it can just go unsaid. It’s a skill few people possess. Most feel extremely uncomfortable with silence.

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After writing the above portion of this post, I went and had thanksgiving “dinner” (it was lunch, but whatever) with some good friends of ours, then went and walked about 2 miles on a local dam, came home and did some housework while listening to music from an app that recently appeared on my Android after an update, it’s called “Milk Music”. Pretty neat little app. It lead to the discovery of a song called “One” by Ed Sheeran.

“And all my friends have gone to find
Another place to let their hearts collide
Just promise me, you’ll always be a friend
‘Cause you are the only one.”

The whole song is quite good, but those lyrics particularly spoke to the way I feel sometimes. Like I have to ask for assurance from the people I truly call friends. Assurance that they aren’t going to find a reason to leave me behind. I guess there is no way to truly guarantee it, but love is worth that risk.

On another note, this Sunday I have my interview to become a member at my church. So thrilled to have found a church family that I want to become apart of. That I enjoy actively being apart of. Such a blessing. God is good.

Happy Thanksgiving, from TQG 🙂

One More

Trust, just one more time.

Love, just one more time.

Let someone in, just one more time.

And after that, do it all once more.

Tomorrow is a new day, just go one more.

You’ve got one hundred steps to go, let’s make it ninety nine.

This song is on my workout playlist, but it’s been an anthem of mine for ages. It’s helped me get back up after the emotional beatings I’ve gone through, reminded me that I don’t have to climb the whole mountain, just take one step in the right direction. One step at a time.

I don’t like being as sensitive as I am sometimes, but I’m slowly realizing that my greatest weakness, the thing that makes me the most vulnerable, also makes me strong, and is my greatest asset. Anyone with a heart can sympathize with others, but to be able to empathize is a gift. Yeah, it makes me more emotional, a bit more quick to tears than I would like, makes me easy to hurt. But it’s also a gift to others. I can shine my light into peoples lives with more ease than most. That’s awesome. It makes me special. I feel the most at home with myself when I let myself feel, open myself up fully and let people in. But it’s just so hard to do. The walls I built myself became a cage, and it’s a daily battle to get out.

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When I do manage to get out though, it’s the most amazing feeling ever.

Sometimes it’s just letting myself be silly around people, laughing, being relaxed, that just feels like a little sliver of heaven. Like I could just take that moment, seal it up in a snow globe of memory and revisit it whenever I was feeling down. I wish memories worked that way.

But, they don’t. Which is probably for the best. It keeps me determined to seek new ones, which is a tremendously excellent adventure.

#SCflood & Contra Dance

Depending on how connected you are to the news, and how widespread this news actually is, you may have heard a lot about my state today!

Hurricane Joaquin (dumb name for a hurricane) has hit us pretty hard. My dad has spent all day at the EOC (Emergency Operations Center) helping deal with the chaos of it all. Extreme flooding, 3 different dams breaking, I believe there have been 5 deaths so far that we know of… Crazy stuff.

But, being that I’ve spent all day cooped up in my house, unable to leave due to the flooding and now, the curfew our major issued, I’ve had a lot of time to think about stuff. So this post is not about the flooding, but please do be in prayer for those who lost their houses, cars, and even their loved ones and pets in this natural disaster. South Carolina is not used to this…

My main purpose in this post is just to express random thoughts I’ve toyed with today. So here it goes….
Last night I carpooled with four guys from church to go Contra Dancing about 25-30 mins out of town, in the insane downpour, with the threats of the impending flood (we wanted to dance, NOTHIN’ WAS GUNNA STOP US), and being the introverted observer that I am, I actually quite enjoyed just sitting and listening to the conversations they had. Just absorbing the “vibes” of their thoughts and the way they each chose to communicate… It’s really amazing how quickly you can pick up on little things about people just in their tones, the words they choose, and the things they think are funny and worth saying. Maybe it’s weird that I enjoy that, just being present when conversations are happening, but I do.

It’s also interesting to me how uniquely different people affect me. You would think, from a logical prospective, that super out going, extroverted people would make me, an introvert, uncomfortable, while quieter, more reserved people would make me feel more comfortable. While that’s often fairly true, I’m realizing that it’s way more individual than that. Recently, I have met some very nice, quiet, reserved, introverted people, and some of them I really like, but some of them, I don’t know what it is, they just grate on me. Wish I knew why, but it’s like the moment they talk to me, something inside me tenses up. And I’ve also met some very boisterous, outgoing, quick-talking extroverts, and while most of them take a lot of energy for me to be around, others don’t. It’s a rare find, I’ll admit, but occasionally I meet an extrovert who just has a fluidness about them, a smoothness of spirit if you will, that doesn’t erode my energy, but rather, relaxes and softens it. (While still drawing me further and further outside my safe, warm little introvert bubble of safety.)

This is like a new world to me. It’s opening my mind to people, making me reevaluate the way I look at those around me, and I’m loving it. I’m only dipping my toes in this new world of spontaneity, but it’s a rush nonetheless. Thankful that God is bringing such a wide range of people into my life, teaching me so much and showing me the beauty of each unique personality. It’s pretty awesome. I come home from adventures like this feeling this weird combination of exhaustion, a buzz of continuous thoughts, replays of conversations I heard or participated in, and contentment at having experienced something new and enjoying it immensely. Wears me out completely, but it’s totally worth it.

Maybe you read this and thought “Soo… you rode in a car with people, went to a dance and it rained a lot…. What’s the big deal exactly?”, and you know what, you’re right. In the grade scheme of things, it’s not a big deal. But for me, it was a fun new experience and I enjoyed it. No one forced you to read this whole thing. ^_^
Disclaimer, not making light of the disaster caused by the rains or flood, that is indeed a very big deal. Just referencing my experience from before the rain caused all this craziness. 🙂 

Anyway, I’m going to stop rambling now. Maybe I’ll bring my laptop in my room and watch a movie in bed… 😀

~TQG