New Endeavors

Where have. You. Been?! (Any Molly Weasley fans? No? Y’all are lame…)

On a serious note, I’ve been a busy busy camper. In the past few months, I’ve been working towards a new goal. I’ve been a COA & OSC (Certified Ophthalmic Assistant and Ophthalmic Scribe Certified) for 6 1/2 years and, the clinic I work for has been understaffed and poorly managed for the majority of those years. But ever since COVID-19, it has been so so much worse. I have cried almost daily either at work or after work. But I’ve felt so trapped. I don’t like what I hear about other clinics, so I’m afraid to go apply elsewhere. But yet, all my academic achievements so far are in Ophthalmology, so if I want a good paying job, I’ve got to stay in that field. …. Right?

Wrong.

As I’ve been mulling around ideas on how to get OUT of ophthalmology, I began thinking about my mom. For many reasons. My ultimate goal is to be a stay at home mom who makes at least some contribution to the family income, like my mom did. So, how did she do it? She was a Certified Personal Trainer. She made her own schedule and helped people work towards their health and fitness goals, often taking me with her to client meetings/sessions. I grew up in the gym, and I love the gym. Lately I’ve been so overworked that I haven’t been able to go to the gym. Suddenly, it dawned on me.

If I pursue becoming a Certified Personal Trainer, I can get a full time job as a CPT at a gym, work out before or after my client sessions, and still have all the benefits (401k, health/dental/vision insurance, PTO, etc), while doing something I love. And one day when we decide to have kids, I can bring my kid and let them stay in the children’s room, go part time if need be, or find clients independent of the gym and make my own schedule, whichever works best for our family/financial situation.

So, with that revelation, and some talks with my husband, I enrolled in NASM’s CPT program and am so far half way through the online course. It is not easy but I am loving it. I am also enrolled in their Nutrition Coach program, which I’m super excited about because nutrition is fascinating to me.

Currently, after all the craziness that 2020-2021 has put my family through, I have gained a lot of weight. No one would want me as their personal trainer right now. So, as I work towards my certification, I also take the knowledge I’m gaining and apply it to myself. Hopefully, but the time I’m ready to start applying to gyms, I’ll be back much closer to my goal weight.

Prayers, please, for this new adventure. I am SOO excited!!

-TQG

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On Politics. Sort of.

My only “political” post, more just a post about finances and life. Not to start a conversation. But just because it’s been on my mind.

I remember during the Obama administration, I was THRILLED to see gas at $2.99 per gallon. How unaffordable will Obama 2.0 be? Maybe we’ll spend over $400 a month on gas. Currently even with the fairly reasonable prices, we’ve been spending about $300 per month between the two of us, on just work commutes and grocery trips. Not sure how we’ll afford much more than that. But it’s already starting to rise… (gas prices based on Columbia, SC prices if you’re wondering.)

Lately I’ve been struggling to be still and trust God, as I watch the world crumble into what appears to be lawlessness, on both sides. Being newly married, and hoping to have kids one day, there’s a big part of me that doesn’t know if I want to bring children into this world. There’s so little wisdom, so few people who are still fighting for freedom. So much confusion.

If the minimum wage gets raised, everything will become more expensive so that companies and businesses can stay afloat, pretty much negating the “increased” income. Meaning that ultimately, finances will be even tighter. How will my little family even afford to house, clothe, feed, etc, a child?

Admittedly, I’m fighting a lot of fear of the future. And I know God will provide. He always has. And I do trust Him. But I am also anxious. I’m having a Mark 9:24 moment for sure.

Up until this point, I’ve been very careful with my money/time/resources, built up savings, built my career, and yes, I owe it all to God for sure! But I have worked hard for it, and I take some pride it in, and I have trusted too much in my ability to “pull myself up by my bootstraps”. But the world is changing, and it’s being taken out of my control more and more. And I don’t like it. I’m struggling with being calm about it.

Anyway. That’s just a bit of my recent thoughts. Pray with me for our country, and for me for my stress. I know God’s got this. But there’s a difference between knowing something and feeling it. I know it. But right now, I’m feeling mostly the fear.

“I believe, help my unbelief!”

#WifeLife Vol. 1

Alright y’all. I am now over a month into married life. And I have a few myths to bust, at least myths I believed or was concerned about pre-marriage, and a few tips!

***⚠️ Warning: Talk of sex, in some detail, to follow⚠️ ***  

• Myth #1: Sleeping in the same bed as someone is hard and it takes a while to get used to.
  False. Sleeping with my husband is the best thing ever. We keep our apartment cold so we snuggle up with each other and honestly I don’t know how I ever slept alone.
• Myth #2: The first time you have sex, it’ll be SUPER awkward if you and/or your spouse is a virgin.
  False. Our first time was sweet, passionate, romantic, and extremely hot. We opted not to use a condom the very first time. Now, the first time with a condom was a little awkward because putting it on was weird. 😅
• Myth #3: Condoms make sex feel weird/unnatural.
  Semi-False. Okay. If condoms make sex less enjoyable for one or both of you, you need to try different condoms. We bought variety packs of various brands and here’s my inside scoop: “regular” just smooth condoms don’t feel great for me, but they feel good fo him. Ribbed or studded latex condoms feel good for me, but not so great for him. Non-latex, studded condoms feel good for us both. We found that the “Skyn Extra Studded” ones are our favorites. It does still feel best with nothing. But using condoms does not have to take away from the pleasure, I promise.
• Myth #4: Men always want sex more often than woman.
  False. In our case, at least. I initiate sex more often, and he’s turned me down at least once because he was super tired from working on the farm.
• Myth #5: You’re young, so you don’t need to buy/think about using lube during sex.
  FALSE!!!! Lube is your bff, ladies & gents. Seriously. Girls, sorry for the TMI, but the wetter, the better, and you will not regret adding a little extra. Men, if she’s really feeling good, you will be too. We like “Queen V’s P.S. I lube you”, it’s all natural, condom safe, and vegan. You can get it online.

💍 Tips 💍

• Talk about it. All of it. Everything. Even if it’s awkward. Even if you’re worried about how they may take it. Like something they did? (Washed dishes, cleaned around the house, something special they did/tried during sex felt really good?) Tell them. Didn’t like something they did? (Left dishes out, reorganized something, tried something new during sex that felt kinda ugh?) TELL. THEM. If something feels off, or you feel disconnected or weird about something, talk about it.
• If you have access to a shower large enough, shower together. It doesn’t have to be sexy, because showers are slippery and not super roomy. But just talking about the day and being together in the shower is really relaxing and personally, it makes me feel more bonded to my husband.
• Ask, don’t expect. Don’t assume he’s going to take out the trash because you think he should/that’s “his job”, or that she’s going wash all the laundry because that’s how it was in your house growing up. Ask, and ask nicely! “Hey, could you help me out by taking the trash out/walking the dog/washing some dishes?” And then thank them!
• If there’s a task/chore you’re super OCD about, and you have your special certain way you like it done, maybe make that your job alone. For example, I am a little high maintenance when it comes to the way laundry is done, so I asked Joseph to just leave that entirely to me. You may need to assign chores, if it gets confusing or you step on each other’s toes about things. Joseph and I haven’t had that issue, but I’ve known couples who have.

So, Moriah, you ask, why is your blog titled “Vol. 1”? Because I intend to write a series of these as I get more weeks, months, years, etc of married life under my belt. After all, one month in isn’t much experience! But, you learn and grow with each passing day, and I want to be able to share what I learn with you all!!

Until next time!

~TQG

 

MoJoe Wedding

Just a dream y’all. Enjoy some sneak peaks from our photographer!

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Beauty from Ashes

Okay! It’s been an eventful few months. God has been so incredibly faithful. On Dec. 30th, everything exploded with my ex, seen in the last two posts. We can call him “He Who Shall Not Be Named”. And after some time spent just, being hurt and mad and dealing with a lot of self doubt, I decided I would get back out there, as it were. Thinking that it would surely take me months of talking to a lot of “trash” guys before I found anyone worth meeting. Armed with new paranoias, new fears, and new walls guarding my heart, I rejoined the dating app I’d been on, as well as turning on the “dating” feature of Facebook.

As I expected, most of the men who contacted me were pretty much just looking for one night stands (despite the fact that my profiles obviously showed me to not be that kinda girl), or men who thought you simply HAD to have sex with someone to know if you were “compatible”. Few conversations lasted more than a day, if that. I asked a lot of tough, pointed questions and successfully scared off a number of men who were not interested in anything long term or serious.

However. Sometime in early January, maybe the first week of January even? Not sure. I got a message from a guy who seemed… interesting. Joseph. Not like the rest. But, He Who Shall Not Be Named seemed like that too!! So, with much trepidation, I did my very best to scare this one off. I asked a lot of intense questions. I never complimented him, or flirted with him at all, despite his very sweet compliments and respectful flirting towards me. I eventually agreed to meet him for a walk across a local dam. Which went well. I did a lot of listening, answering his questions, but not offering a lot of myself. I invited him to come contra dancing with my a week or so later. Which he gladly agreed to, despite having never done it before. He sent (and continues to do so) a Bible verse and a prayer, each morning, when he got up. Talked to me throughout the day. Sent me cute memes and gifs.

He came to contra, and it went well! He picked it up pretty quickly, and didn’t seem at all phased by the fact that I danced mostly with other men the entire time. Still keeping my distance. Physically and emotionally. But he was growing on me… Though I refused to admit that even to myself.

I invited him to a house concert I was hosting at my dad’s house. Insisting that if he wanted to continue to see me, he had to meet my dad. On the third date. He was understandably nervous, but not at all put off by this request. I told him if that meeting went well, we could have a movie night at my house the following day.

He came, yet again! And talked to my dad, and my stepmom, and her sister, and a lot of other friends and family and acquaintances of mine. While I mostly avoided him. My stepmom kept telling me I should go talk to him, and I kept telling her “I’m still testing him. He’s fine. I’ll talk to him when I’m ready.”

The night went well, I did eventually talk to him some, and we did have the movie night. Which also went well! He asked to hold my hand that night. And I let him. And I had a little moment of panic as I realized that I was very quickly developing feelings for this guy that I’d just met, so soon after going through the worse relationship ever. I made my panic known to him. He handled it very sweetly. Explained that he did not want to scare me off, and that he didn’t want to move too fast and make me feel rushed into anything. That he was happy to go as slow as I needed. After a good nights sleep, I woke up the next day and went to his church with him, feeling less panicked than I had been, and more okay with how things were going.

Since then, a lot has happened. You’d think, it’s been what, not quite a full two months, how can you possibly have moved much farther forward than that? Honestly, it’s a God thing. That’s all I can say. I was on the phone with my stepmom the other day, discussing plans to get engaged and married and find a house, and she says to me “Moriah, it’s amazing how things with He Who Must Not Be Named (yes, she actually calls him that, too) already seem like they happened forever ago. Joseph has just, wiped that slate completely clean, God used him to help heal your heart from that. And I can see how much better you feel about this relationship, there’s no insecurities and no wondering what he’s thinking… I love it. And I’m so happy for you!”

So, what I thought was a very rocky and depressing start to 2020, has become a really exciting and hope-filled time of new life. New dreams. Beauty and love, and learning how to trust again. I cannot wait to walk hand-in-hand with Joseph into the future that God is building for us, together.

This Guy

 

This guy I’m seeing. What can I say? He’s pursuing my heart with such gentleness and respect, I can’t recall ever feeling so valuable. It’s lovely. It’s beautiful. It’s still so new and so fresh, I’m looking forward to seeing where it all goes. But as it stands, it’s looking pretty awesome.

And the world continues to crumble

I imagine most of my followers, if they’ve kept up at all, know my mom died November 22, 2014 at the age of 47 from an autoimmune disease called Polymyositis.

If you’ve read my about me tab, you know I’ve been through my fair share of relational hardships.

If you’ve read most of my more recent posts, you’d know I courted my best friend for 6 months and was quite ready to marry him, but he felt that God has called him to permanent celibacy. (Though, praise God, we are still close friends.)

Thursday evening, I was riding in the car with my two best friends, on the way to get dinner and then head to the gym to workout together. I had been waiting for a call from my dad about test results. He has been sick for several weeks and unable to work because of it, and finally had a kidney biopsy this week. As we were driving along, I got the call.

My dad has a very fast progressing kidney disease, something like kidney sclerosis. He will have to have a kidney transplant. While he is waiting for a kidney, he will be put on medication to slow down the progression, and when that is no longer enough, he will start dialysis treatments. Once he gets a kidney, it usually lasts about 10 years, and then he will likely need another. He is 54. He has never smoked, does not drink, and is not overweight. He has never been a drug addict, never slept around, is not diabetic, has never done any of the things they commonly say cause the condition he has.

As my dad very calmly explained this on the phone, I very un-calmly cried, and my friend Jonathan very sweetly put his hand on my shoulder and comforted me quietly. I am heartbroken. The idea that my dad is very ill and reliant on getting a donor organ scares me. I’m already down to one parent. I’m only 25 and single, aren’t I supposed to be like, I don’t know, at least in my late 50’s before I start losing my parents? Both sets of my grandparents are still living and here I am, desperately praying not to lose my second parent?

I have so many times asked myself, how much loss can one person endure before they are no longer able to move on with their life? I’m not saying there aren’t people worse off than myself. I would never say that. I am saying, I don’t know if I am able to endure this much hardship. In fact, I know that I am not able. I can do, survive, and thrive, through all this with Christ. But I don’t want to, y’know? When do I get my break? Haven’t I lost enough?

The enemy only attacks those he deems threatening, I suppose. But man. I wish he would just ignore my little family and let us rest.

 

~TQG

A little birdie told me…

So occasionally I have little bullet point thoughts 💭. They’re short and to the point and not really worthy of a full blog. But I still wanna get them out there. So I made a twitter account for this purpose.

TQG Twitter

Please feel free to follow me if you’re a Twitterer too! 😉

25 years of life and I still don’t know how to fold a fitted sheet

The title has nothing to do with the content of this post, never fear!

Or maybe you should fear, because I’m actually kind in a funk at the moment so who knows how interesting this will be.

My heart is hurting tonight as there is a possibility that my two best friends could move away. Being the rather typical INFJ introvert that I am, I don’t have a lot of friends that are truly close. In fact, I have two. These two. They are the highlights of my life, they are the ones I call when I need hugs, or cuddles, or laughs, or adventures. They are the ones who know my deepest hurts, fears, failures, and hardships and still love me anyway. They’ve seen the very best in me, and also the very worst. And yes, even if they moved, I would still have them in my life via texting, calling, and road-tripping to see them or vice versa. But, they would not be 10-15 minutes away where I can call and be like “Hey, wanna go to Kroger with me and help me shop for groceries? Wanna go swimming tonight? I made too much pasta, come eat and watch a movie with me!”

They aren’t mine to keep. Not if God and good job opportunities are calling them away. But man… Sometimes it feels like every time I have a good thing going, it gets taken away from me. I’m frustrated. And lonely. And I’ve reached now, the age I wanted to be married by… I’m not sure where/what is in store for me at this point… *sigh* 😔

There are not words to describe how tired I am of going to bed alone, making dinner for one, not having a constant shoulder to cry one when I’m upset over things, never having a hand to hold… My desire for just being affectionate and close with someone is so deep. And currently I am only able to partially share it with these two friends of mine, in moderation, since they wouldn’t really appreciate it if I was always wanting to cuddle and kiss them. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m not sure what is next for me… But I sure hope it will come along soon.

Who I’ve Become; A Rant on Self-Love, & a Trip Down Memory Lane

Our world is rather obsessed with self-love at the moment. Be who you are, be authentic, love your flaws, don’t change yourself for the approval of the world.

Those are all rather neutral ideas. But they can easily be abused, I think they need to be updated to fit a more biblical standpoint…

Be who God created you to be, and who He is making you to be.

Love the way God makes up for your flaws. Your flaws allow Him to shine through you.

Change yourself for the approval of God even if that means loosing the approval of the world. Or, rather, let God change you into something He approves of, and don’t worry what the world thinks.

Let God’s love shine authentically through you.

Over the last three-four years, I have gone through some major changes that have helped me realize those things…

November. 22, 2014, my mom passed away at age 47.

March 2015, I began a new career in Ophthalmology.

June 2015, I met Peter, and…

March 2016 …soon after began my first courtship with him, which lead me on many wild and exciting adventures of travel, self-discovery, and fear-facing. Car crashes, long talks about marriage, delved so deeply into who I am with the help of a truly amazing man by my side.

April 2016, my dad got remarried to a really lovely lady who is now, obviously, my stepmom. And I gained two step siblings.

September 2016, Peter broke off our courtship, which was extremely difficult, as the last 6 months of our relationship had gone amazingly and the only reason to end the courtship was that he felt he was meant to live a life of celibacy. A calling he has felt most of his life, but he sought God through our courtship to see if he was meant to marry me. He felt he was not. But we have remained very close friends and still love one another deeply as such.

December 2016, I obtained two certifications in Ophthalmology. OSC & COA.

January 2017, I moved from the house I grew up in into a house with a roommate.

July-ish 2017? I began developing a friendship with Jonathan, a lovely fellow I’ve known as long as I’ve known Peter, but had never really sought to spend one-on-one time with. He’s my adopted little brother now. He’s a gem. I love that guy dearly. ❤️

December 2017, Got my first tattoo. A memorial for my mom.

June 2018, Got my second tattoo, a reminder that Jesus has paid my debit in full and my battle is won by His blood.

And now, here we are, June 30th, 2018, and I am just a day short of one month away from being 25. In among those above dates are countless road trips, hours and hours of laughter, tears, literally thousands of dollars worth of fuel and fast food, moments of fear, moments of joy, dashed hopes and hopes turned into realities, and lots of good music. My heart aches to be able to go back in time and relive the moments of discovery I’ve had over this stretch of time. So many good memories, woven together with so much pain. Growing pains that have lead me to where I am now. Stronger, wiser, more confident, freer than I have ever been.

I still struggle hard sometimes with things. Temptations, fears, laziness, etc. But I love the person God has made me to be. I love the heart he has given me towards certain people and certain struggles, I love the adventures He’s taken me on, I love the risks I’ve taken and the way those risks paid off in my life…

I feel that now, for the first time ever in my life, I can say that I honestly do love myself. Not for what I’ve accomplished, but for what God has accomplished in and through me. I love the way He’s used me to love and provide for people. I love the way He’s dashed all my fears against the rocks and sent me out into the ocean of His love to drown. Dying to who I thought I was, and coming back as someone far, far better than I thought was possible.

As I sit here today in a very weird rocking chair (seriously… it’s strange..) typing this, with my tattoos and my Oklahoma shirt that I got in the airport years ago on my first solo traveling adventure, I cannot wait to see what God’s going to do next. I still have fears, and insecurities, and doubts, but the excitement far outweighs it all.

Anyway, all this to say… Love yourself. But not in the way the world tells you to. Keep going on adventures. Keep being spontaneous. Never stop exploring. And let God lead.