So occasionally I have little bullet point thoughts 💭. They’re short and to the point and not really worthy of a full blog. But I still wanna get them out there. So I made a twitter account for this purpose.
Please feel free to follow me if you’re a Twitterer too! 😉
I’m not the kind of person who can fall in and out of love with you. That’s not what love’s supposed to do.
~ Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, Backsteet Boys
Our world is rather obsessed with self-love at the moment. Be who you are, be authentic, love your flaws, don’t change yourself for the approval of the world.
Those are all rather neutral ideas. But they can easily be abused, I think they need to be updated to fit a more biblical standpoint…
Be who God created you to be, and who He is making you to be.
Love the way God makes up for your flaws. Your flaws allow Him to shine through you.
Change yourself for the approval of God even if that means loosing the approval of the world. Or, rather, let God change you into something He approves of, and don’t worry what the world thinks.
Let God’s love shine authentically through you.
Over the last three-four years, I have gone through some major changes that have helped me realize those things…
November. 22, 2014, my mom passed away at age 47.
March 2015, I began a new career in Ophthalmology.
June 2015, I met Peter, and…
March 2016 …soon after began my first courtship with him, which lead me on many wild and exciting adventures of travel, self-discovery, and fear-facing. Car crashes, long talks about marriage, delved so deeply into who I am with the help of a truly amazing man by my side.
April 2016, my dad got remarried to a really lovely lady who is now, obviously, my stepmom. And I gained two step siblings.
September 2016, Peter broke off our courtship, which was extremely difficult, as the last 6 months of our relationship had gone amazingly and the only reason to end the courtship was that he felt he was meant to live a life of celibacy. A calling he has felt most of his life, but he sought God through our courtship to see if he was meant to marry me. He felt he was not. But we have remained very close friends and still love one another deeply as such.
December 2016, I obtained two certifications in Ophthalmology. OSC & COA.
January 2017, I moved from the house I grew up in into a house with a roommate.
July-ish 2017? I began developing a friendship with Jonathan, a lovely fellow I’ve known as long as I’ve known Peter, but had never really sought to spend one-on-one time with. He’s my adopted little brother now. He’s a gem. I love that guy dearly. ❤️
December 2017, Got my first tattoo. A memorial for my mom.
June 2018, Got my second tattoo, a reminder that Jesus has paid my debit in full and my battle is won by His blood.
And now, here we are, June 30th, 2018, and I am just a day short of one month away from being 25. In among those above dates are countless road trips, hours and hours of laughter, tears, literally thousands of dollars worth of fuel and fast food, moments of fear, moments of joy, dashed hopes and hopes turned into realities, and lots of good music. My heart aches to be able to go back in time and relive the moments of discovery I’ve had over this stretch of time. So many good memories, woven together with so much pain. Growing pains that have lead me to where I am now. Stronger, wiser, more confident, freer than I have ever been.
I still struggle hard sometimes with things. Temptations, fears, laziness, etc. But I love the person God has made me to be. I love the heart he has given me towards certain people and certain struggles, I love the adventures He’s taken me on, I love the risks I’ve taken and the way those risks paid off in my life…
I feel that now, for the first time ever in my life, I can say that I honestly do love myself. Not for what I’ve accomplished, but for what God has accomplished in and through me. I love the way He’s used me to love and provide for people. I love the way He’s dashed all my fears against the rocks and sent me out into the ocean of His love to drown. Dying to who I thought I was, and coming back as someone far, far better than I thought was possible.
As I sit here today in a very weird rocking chair (seriously… it’s strange..) typing this, with my tattoos and my Oklahoma shirt that I got in the airport years ago on my first solo traveling adventure, I cannot wait to see what God’s going to do next. I still have fears, and insecurities, and doubts, but the excitement far outweighs it all.
Anyway, all this to say… Love yourself. But not in the way the world tells you to. Keep going on adventures. Keep being spontaneous. Never stop exploring. And let God lead.
As the sun sets on 2017, I look back on my year with fond memories.
I met some amazing people, and developed a new friendship that makes my heart happy. I overcame a lot of fears, I went on many new and exciting adventures with equally exciting people. I learned a lot, I grew a lot, and I think I am a better person for it all. Most of all, I think that God has opened up my heart to loving people deeply in a way that I was not before. I am so, so grateful.
There were some heartaches, and I still struggle daily with certain things. But man, God has been so good to me.
Today I went for my tattoo touch up appointment, she went over all the lines and darkened it all a bit. As I sit here all bundled up (I am perpetually cold, and also, coincidentally, I have a cold), the mild stinging of my shoulder reminding me that I was poked with many needles a few hours ago, somehow it makes me smile. I will enter into the new year with a renewed sense of accomplishment and courage. Looking forward to whatever 2018 brings.
Tonight one of my favorite dudes (Peter) and I are going to a contra dance in Charlotte, NC for a “New Years Eve Eve” dance, and will be meeting up with my other favorite dude (Jonathan) who is currently touring with the band “ContraForce”.
Also, gotta tell you all a short story! My friend Jonathan got in an Uber the other day, and the music that was playing was super good, so he said “Hey, this is good stuff, who is this?” and she turned to him with a smile and said “That’s me!”
Please, check out Mizz Blueyesol, her album “Deceiver” is available on iTunes, Apple Music, Spotify, and most other places music is available. My person favorite song is the one from which the album gets it’s name, “Deceiver”.
Just a quick plug for an awesome product I got for Christmas that is great for you runners, cyclists, and other outdoor enthusiasts!
They showed us this video at Faithwalkers, and I just had to share it with you all.
No idea what the title of this song is, nor the rest of the lyrics. But, I love this part.
“If the whole world were watching, I’d still dance with you.
Drive highways and biways to be there with you.
Over and over there’s only one truth,
Everything comes back to you.
You still make me nervous when you walk in the room,
Those butterflies, they come alive, when I’m next to you.
Over and over there’s only one truth,
Everything comes back to you.”
~TQG
There are times when I love being a highly emotional person. Music touches me on a very deep level, it’s like hearing emotions. So beautiful.
Heard this song on the radio for the first time about two weeks ago. Absolutely love it. I’m surprised I haven’t busted my cars speakers with this one.
God is doing some fantastic things in my life. I’m officially a member of my church, which is something I’ve never done or wanted to do until now. I’m making new friends, trying new things, expanding my world tenfold, and loving it. It’s scary, but so worth it.
Work is stressing me out some. I sometimes miss having a job that didn’t require studying and certifications. But, I am still enjoying my work, so that is a huge blessing.
Anyway, there is a quick update for you. Maybe more later. I have to get ready for bed, and decide which of three books I have to read will actually be read tonight. We’ll see how it goes.
~TQG
I love people who can hold their own in a conversation. Who can fill in the gaps that I so often leave. Who can gently draw me out, even when I’m not actively trying to participate. Conversely, I love when those same people can just sit quietly with me and not insist on filling the silence. Knowing when something is worth breaking silence for and when it can just go unsaid. It’s a skill few people possess. Most feel extremely uncomfortable with silence.
After writing the above portion of this post, I went and had thanksgiving “dinner” (it was lunch, but whatever) with some good friends of ours, then went and walked about 2 miles on a local dam, came home and did some housework while listening to music from an app that recently appeared on my Android after an update, it’s called “Milk Music”. Pretty neat little app. It lead to the discovery of a song called “One” by Ed Sheeran.
“And all my friends have gone to find
Another place to let their hearts collide
Just promise me, you’ll always be a friend
‘Cause you are the only one.”
The whole song is quite good, but those lyrics particularly spoke to the way I feel sometimes. Like I have to ask for assurance from the people I truly call friends. Assurance that they aren’t going to find a reason to leave me behind. I guess there is no way to truly guarantee it, but love is worth that risk.
On another note, this Sunday I have my interview to become a member at my church. So thrilled to have found a church family that I want to become apart of. That I enjoy actively being apart of. Such a blessing. God is good.
Happy Thanksgiving, from TQG 🙂
That Quiet Girl You Sort-of Know 